Chiron conjunct Ascendant in Synastry

Chiron is increasingly gaining more attention both in natal and synastry charts lately. Personally, I tend to consider it quite an important influence both from my studies on other charts and from the influence I have found it holds in my life and in my relationships.

In my personal chart it is quite an energetic point as it is the apex of my kite formation (non-sextiled planet), in my sixth house in Gemini. What I would like to talk about, however, is the influence it holds in my relationship with my husband.

My Chiron is conjunct his Ascendant nearly exact (less than 1 degree) and in our relationship pain is and has been an important theme. This aspect is reinforced by his Chiron conjunct my North Node, this time with a 4 degree orb, and Chiron opposite my Pluto (nearly exact, less than 1 degree).

With Chiron conjunct Ascendant the general agreement is that the way one person presents himself to the world will cause pain to or awaken insecurities in the other.

Chiron conjunct North Node on the other hand can relate to the Chiron person acting as a teacher for the North Node person, showing the direction in which he may grow or directly forcing the growth to happen. The means this growth occurs, however, can be quite painful and/or may be related to emotional suffering, painful self-exploration or painfully forced growth. Of course, there is a big difference in how both embrace and explore their Chiron and their North Node, as both influences are tricky and require quite a good knowledge of oneself for a positive and constructive expression.  

Chiron opposite Pluto may refer to a generational influence since Chiron and especially Pluto have long cycles throughout the celestial wheel. In my opinion, it could hint at pain that somehow unleashes some very basic urges arising from one's unconscious and/or repressed material. This can lead to much good as airing out Pluto issues is always helpful and can conduce to much self-acceptation and understanding. However, given that the energies are activated thru an opposition the process can be quite stressful at times and the interaction uneasy.

From my personal experience, in our relationship I have constantly felt belittled and somehow never enough. It is a faint feeling, present in a quiet way, I would say, as our day to day is generally pleasant and harmonious. The unfolding of things in our relationship has left me with this subterranean current of insecurity.

We have passed thru all the normal stages: dating, him staying at my place a lot, living together and eventually marriage thru a five year time span but somehow all these steps came to happen with emotional pain for me. At some point I sensed withholding from his side, doubt or reticence that were never verbalized and in fact contradicted his spoken behavior. 

After each stage I carefully analyzed our interaction for uneasiness with the situation or maybe for regrets and a desire to retrace our steps but it was never the case as each change seemed to contribute to an harmonious and progressive bonding.

Despite the good things in our relationship (and there are many indeed) this painful feeling has persisted within me but in a diffuse and subversive way. I have wondered at several points in our relationship: Why do I continue with this person? What is it that has me committed to working things out? Why do I tolerate such feelings when my previous attitude has always been to choose myself, first and foremost? (I have to mention I am not a masochist in the least).

My feelings seem to be quite philosophical (might be a consequence of Chiron trine Jupiter in my natal chart). The pain I feel seems somewhat cathartic and I don’t blame him for causing it since I see it as unintentional. I perceive it as intrinsic to him being how he is. I may not like the feeling, but looking back I can understand the value it held in me changing some of my attitudes that were not conducive to constructive results. It is a process and I can definitely remember times when it caused me much suffering, but at the same time I can’t identify something clearly defined that bothered me. It is a multitude of attitudes I can’t quite put my finger on that leave me feeling like this.

When I look at how the conjunction is lived from the Ascendant person’s perspective I know I have greatly challenged some of his attitudes and his manner or interacting with his environment. Sometimes it is voluntary but sometimes I feel that just by me living my daily life such as I understand it I make him feel lacking in some aspect or insecure.

This makes me think that the conjunction can work both ways and the pain and insecurity is shared. In our case I can say that it hasn’t been an easy journey but that it has caused us to be more true to our nature as individuals and more understanding and somewhat compassionate of the other person. I feel a strong pull towards my husband in en ethereal kind of way and many times I have felt that our relationship was fated. I cannot help feeling this way but my attitude towards this feeling is somewhat impaired and uneasy as it is a heavy and serious feeling.

Please let me know if you have ever experienced the Chiron conjunct Ascendant aspect in a relationship and what were the effects you felt in yourself and in your relationship.